Perhaps the most interesting question about proposing is when to actually propose. Obviously the answer is “When she will say ‘yes’”. But when exactly is that. Propose too early in a relationship and you are too pushy, too late and you are afraid to commit. Indeed, after a long period of time, one must ask “what is the point”. It is kind of like making a promise after the fact. I’m not saying that people should enter this whole thing blindly, but when the time is right, propose.

So let’s start by looking at some possible moments that may be good for proposals.

• During an argument. Wait for an argument to start (over something trivial, ideally don’t start one on purpose, just let it come) and just pop the words “marry me” into the argument. Not only will this tactic likely catch the proposee off guard, but it also demonstrates that you know exactly what you are getting yourself into.
• On a holiday. Holidays involve concentrated togetherness living. If you can survive two weeks without leaving each other’s site and aren’t ready to kill each other, this is a good thing. So why not make it all worthwhile for your significant other at the end of the journey with a smart engagement ring. If you holiday overseas you may be able to save some money on duty/GST etc. I don’t know much about this, but Will does.
• During some sort of event that you are obsessed with. For instance, if you are obsessed with Tennis, propose during the Australian Open (turn off the TV when you do, otherwise you may ruin your chances). By showing that she means more to you than your obsession does should score you big points.

Big effort helps. The smaller the ring, the bigger the effort needs to be.

So when in your relationship should such an important decision be made? Before living together? After living together? Both can work. Both have worked. But waiting too long seems to be a waste of time for both people. Why? The answer is simple: Anniversaries. I’m not talking about the anniversaries of living together, I’m talking about bona fide wedding anniversaries. Quite frankly you aren’t in a good position to reach your Golden Anniversary (50 years) if you don’t get married till 50. Besides, who wants to spend most of their married life too old to enjoy it?

The question of whether or not the Melbourne Cup was rigged came to mind Today as the horse named after a bunch of office broads crossed the finish line for the third time in three years. Now normally crossing the finishing line three times isn’t a big deal, but doing it while participating in a race where some over enthusiastic midget is beating you over the back with something he may well have purchased from the local sex shop is probably more significant. Of course, doing it in the race that people who forget that horses even exist 364 days of the year get really excited about is a real feat. Or apparently it seems to be. This victory seems to be being seen as Australia’s 2nd greatest moment (second only to the invention of cask wine).

With it being seen as such a great moment in Australian History (which says something about our history) I questioned whether this particular horse would be disqualified if it used performance enhancing drugs (or if the jockey took some tips from the models that were flaunting the most impractical of hats). My guess is that it would be covered up so as to not taint such a moment in Australian history. At the same time, other jockeys, and indeed possibly even the horses were probably thinking “Let’s let her win”. With the male horses thinking they might be able to get some Diva booty after the race as thanks for their sacrifice.

Would the judges destroy a moment in Australian History just to stick to the rules? I doubt it. To see Australia’s greatest moment be turned into Australia’s greatest shame just wouldn’t have fit the mood.

Of course the horse has put in for retirement and this has been approved by senior management. Whether the horse’s retirement will actually involve a bullet in the back of the head, a prompt stuffing, a heart in a museum, several cans of dog food and some crazy glue is less certain.

Well, it’s time once again for that horse race. You know the one, where more money is spent in one day of gambling than Australia spends on Research and Development over an entire year.

Anyway, I reckon horse number Twenty-Two must be in with a shot. I know nothing about the horse, including its name, but it has a good number and that should count for nothing.

Here’s to drinking in the workplace!!

This controversial article is a product of The Mill.
After our initial article about the chance of certain members of my social circle getting hitched, there has been an influx of new information regarding the couples discussed in our Poll.

a “source” tells me alison may be sporting a “baby bump” ;)

Fortunately, my journalist instincts tells me that this isn’t necessarily the full story. Rather it seems a convenient misdirection campaign on behalf of Trish herself.

With Paul’s Possum infactuation, which Trish is trying to desperately cover up, referring to seemingly non existent Live Journal articles, how will Paul handle fatherhood.

28/10/2005 2:14 PM Captain Control: movies @ home are cheaper. 28/10/2005 2:20 PM Spiff: and can be more comfortable 28/10/2005 2:21 PM Captain Control: Because you can watch them naked? 28/10/2005 2:22 PM Spiff: that, and you can bring dunas and bean bags to the proceedings

To sum it up…

Won’t somebody pleeease think of the children

The photos from my Melbourne trip in January are finally online. Check them out at Flickr.