This controversial article is a product of The Mill.
Ah, Weddings. I’ve only ever been to two in my life, and true to the stats gleamed from Paul, only one of those marriages is still going. Of course, with a sample size of 2, I can hardly make any bold statements, or at least I couldn’t unless this happened to have been processed by The Mill, which it has.

So, assuming that this 50% rule has to apply, it is imperative that for every genuine marriage there is also a sham marriage, and I believe I have found the answer…

I currently know of three couples (which gives you a good idea of the extent of my social circle) that have been involved in long term relationships. These relationships, one would guess, would traditionally result in a commitment of some kind. Traditionally this commitment has been started through a big expensive party where everyone you ever met is invited and they dirnk too much (or so I am told). This party is of course the Wedding. There is a much more important party beforehand that has absolutely nothing to do with the commitment side of things, as it is really a chance for the people who haven’t found someone to get drunk and have a few lap dances.

Anyway, back to these three couples; Paul & Trish, Will & Alison and Andrew & Dina. Recently I conducted interviews with the men on this side of the equation (as historically they are the ones that are supposed to pluck up the courage to ask, which doesn’t have too many immediate financial burdens, the parents of the bride are supposed to fork out the money for the party (the Wedding, not the Bux night). There is of course the question of the ring, an item which can be very expensive. Fortunately, if you do buy a ring and she says no, or you chicken out, you can sell the ring and live off the money that you’ve saved.

So, what did these people have to say for themselves? Well, Paul said this:

Rhys, 12/10/2005 3:44 PM : Ah, you need to hide that you are not-Rhys? Or are you already married?? Spiff, 12/10/2005 3:47 PM : no comment

So, it seems that Paul may already be married. When I asked Paul where he might hold the wedding he responded with the following:

Spiff, 12/10/2005 3:29 PM : the answer is there has been discussion, and it would probably be in Brisbane, because there are only 2 commercial flights to Antartica a year and they are $900 a head

There was also some crazy mention of needing to have a possum at the wedding.

On the other side of the table, Will responded to my query as so:

Rhys, 12/10/2005 3:18 PM : So if you get this job I guess it will be time to properly settle down. Would you hold the wedding in Melbourne or Brisbane? (It would give me a good excuse to go down) Will, 12/10/2005 3:19 PM : South bank might be nice from a eating point of view

So, Will wants to get married in South Bank. He claims he was talking about our movie plans, but was this really a Freudian slip? To cover, he followed it up with this:

Will, 12/10/2005 3:19 PM : hehehe very suggestive. the hypothetical answer would probably be Melbourne I guess Will, 12/10/2005 3:20 PM : who knows ;-) Will, 12/10/2005 3:20 PM : have you asked paul the same question?

Classic redirection tactics. Unfortunately when I spoke to Andrew abobut the same issue, I wasn’t using any sort of recording instrument, so I can only say that whilst he is not going to be getting married this year it is certainly a commitment that he has made.

So, if Andrew isn’t getting married for a while, who will take the plunge first? Paul or Will. Or will Dave come in from left-field and finally get together with the Cafe girl from Maryborough? Only time will tell.

I’d love to hear the girls' perspective on this, so feel free to drop me a line (through the comments). With an increase of women making proposals to men (with SMS being a common proposal medium according to a phone in survey on Triple J last Thursday), perhaps it is up to you to coerce your men into a commitment.